I’m not really sure how I keep forgetting.
A couple of weeks ago I sat in the School of Intercession classroom, donning my brand new job – the North American Director for the Every Nation Schools of Empowerment – like a shiny new hat, and felt …… shell-shocked. Happy, but shell-shocked all the same.
Huh? Yeah, I was surprised, too. Granted, my new job came as a bit of a surprise at the end of my Sabbatical, after I’d fasted and prayed for a week and submitted my plans to God. He took my offering seriously and instead of handing my plans back to me with a shiny new ribbon wrapped around them and the world “GO” attached – as I had fully expected Him to do – he handed me entirely different plans with said ribbon and the word “GO” attached.
So, you could say my new wonderful made-for-me gift of a job came to me presented a sudden shift to my brain…which I’ve come to realize isn’t really my favorite. In fact, as much as I would like to deny it, my personality doesn’t really love spontaneity unless I’m prepared to be spontaneous. Weird, I know. But true. So, the sudden change in my future prospects was jarring, to say the least.
But I had weeks to acquaint myself with upcoming change and I beyond excited. Thrilled. Truly, my new job fits me and who I am in the best kind of way.
So why did I find myself sitting smack dab in the middle of the new job that I was happy about, feeling anxious? Then it hit me. I’d forgotten. Transition. I was in the middle of transition. And no matter how many times I have gone through this – I mean really, call me a pro ’cause it’s been OFTEN – transition still feels….uncomfortable.
Because I can’t see. I mean, I may know the theory of the thing I am walking into. But actually being in a new situation…it feels like an itch I can’t yet scratch. Most of the people, although not necessarily new, are not yet really known. I can’t yet gauge how our work relationships will function best. How our personalities will click and mesh. Then there are the parameters of what will and won’t be for my job that are yet to be figured out.
As with every transition I have ever walked through, how I imagined things to be always looks and feels different when fleshed out. Usually, that means things are better than I had imagined – as is the case with my new job. It still also requires, though, a period of adjustment to the new.
Once I recognized those old familiar emotions and signs of transition in my heart, I could take a step back and view things clinically. Much like putting on a new pair of leather boots that require time to get the leather softened and adjusted just-so to make that almost-perfect-fit perfect, so it goes with any change we face
Realizing what was going on, I began to go about the process of getting a handle on my anxiety, settling in to the rhythm of change. That means patience. For myself and others. It means laughter amid all of the accompanying awkwardness. And it means deciding to enjoy the process. Because no matter where or what the circumstances happen to be – transition remains transition.